so… hi guys. It’s been way more than a minute. I’m sorry… life has been happening, on a speed train level.

I just completed a 6 weeks community medicine posting. You guys remember the last one right? Read here. I was reading it and it inspired me to write this because, my goodness, so much has changed. Except of course that community medicine is still hella boring.

This posting began immediately after our MBBS part 2 exams (watch my vlog series on YouTube). I’m not even kidding. I get what the people that designed the medical school calendar were trying to do but to be honest… I wish there was another way. I wish there was more rest involved in the process of learning to save lives. But maybe I shouldn’t be complaining because we had the whole of 2020 to ourselves. All the same moving straight from preparing for a cumbersome exam to another posting was very difficult, especially mentally. My brain just didn’t want to do anything for sometime. And it didn’t get that chance to relax. And I started to question what all this was really for anyway. Also this was around the time when out mates in other departments were writing their exams and saying goodbye to undergraduate life. It was a weird space. Like what am I even doing with my life sef?

Anyway back to commed, it was frustrating because it became clearer and clearer that I really hate it here. I had to give myself pep talks every morning to get out of bed. To read. To smile. To pretend to be happy. Lol. I’m just tired.

It was a long six weeks. I know this was not what you guys were expecting. This wasn’t what I was expecting to write either but the truth is medical school is excruciatingly hard. And I keep wondering if I would be happier doing something else entirely. And if all this stress is even worth it. Especially in Nigeria.

This thread of twitter is pretty apt.

And I think people should actually put this into more thought when choosing medicine. It takes a toil on your soul and idk, you should be prepared for that and find strategies to survive in mind.

A part of me also feels like every career has it’s own woes though. And it’s just being human that is hard. Doing anything worthwhile is not easy, it could literally kill you but I guess at least you should die happily. Like Charles Bukowski said, find what you love and let it kill you...

I believe this but I also think it’s a little romanticized. There are parts of the things that you love that you simple will not like or enjoy. Same thing when you love a person. You love this person but then there are still things about them that drive you crazy, not in a good way. But you accept them, because you love them.

So I think it’s a little naive to not expect to have these moments of pain and anguish in whatever endeavour we pursue, perhaps it’s just wise to accept and endure. Truth is there are aspects of medicine that I thoroughly enjoy and of course I love the social capital it provides so I guess I should focus on that?

Lol.

It’s hard guys. It’s hard. I suppose I should accept that too and find ways to live through it. Difficulty doesn’t have to confiscate your life. Just because school is hard, doesn’t mean your life should be hard, or your spiritual life should be hard, or your relationships should suck… maybe you should harness your happy places to assist your tough spots.

I mean, what do I know? I didn’t even know I was going to write all these when I started. This was suppose to be about community medicine. Oh well,  if you’re going through a tough time, I hope this has helped you as much as writing it did me.

Love, O.

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