I know what you’re thinking; this is an odd subject. And you might be right, it might be odd but sex has always been an intriguing topic for all age groups from the beginning of time and it will always be like that. I don’t buy the idea that promiscuity was nowhere to be found in the olden days and people used to be more saintly back then. Perhaps these are just lies we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better but what I know is, human beings have always been explorers, both in the negative and positive light. But how does all these relate to joy? I suppose before we start really talking about this I should state clearly some disclaimers;
1. This is not to judge or condemn anyone who is involved in any entanglement, voluntarily or otherwise, now or in the past. Every being with blood in their veins knows that the allure of sex is strong and it takes an otherworldly kind of strength to abstain or stay within the confines of God’s prescription.
2. I don’t know it all. This is, like the title suggests, an examination. Nothing more. Picture it like an apple you are about to eat; you would look very carefully and make sure that the fruit is what you’d want entering your mouth. Yeah, same thing. This is a ‘look-very-carefully‘ at the subject of sex and joy and the relationship between them (if there is any at all) hypothesizing from my personal experiences and my observation of others. Think of it simply as Omooba thinking aloud.
3. This might be a long post. I don’t know yet, cause I haven’t started to write in full but my best guess is that it will be. I can also guarantee that either way, it will be a good read. I am aware though that long reads aren’t for everyone, so if you don’t appreciate length, you can quickly scroll down and see if this is more than what you can handle. Don’t worry I’ll never know if you left now. Haha.
Shall we begin?
I’ve decided to break this up into theories on how sexual perversion hinders joy. Perversion suggests that there is a deviation from the way something should be. To understand perversion we have to understand the right way first. I am using God and His word as a reference of how to enjoy sex in its proper context. I would have given you a rough list but this is 2020 and I am certain you’ve heard it all a billion times. In a nutshell though, God’s prescription is this; sex should be reserved and preserved in the confines of marriage between one man and one woman.
Perversion on the other hand includes a plethora of concepts, from premarital sex to adultery to pornography to masturbation to rape to bestiality to homosexuality to prostitution… I’m sure there’s even stuff we don’t have names for yet. It’s a lot and it is all also socially acceptable. Well maybe not rape, but for the most part sexual freedom and expression is the theme of modern day planet Earth. On that note one would be surprised to find we also appear to be the saddest and loneliest generation to ever live.
Sex is the cheapest commodity yet happiness is foreign to the general population. Why?
Yes, sex doesn’t equal happiness or joy but it should help our joy. In its original design it should, because it’s suppose to feed connection and connection is how we humans stay alive. At the end of the day, when it’s all said and done, it’s not money or fame that counts, it’s people. It is people that matter most. But that’s talk for another day.
Now to my theories on the relationship between sexual purity and joy. Why is it that even though people are having all this plenty-plenty sex, most people are still unhappy?
NB: Permit me to use joy and happiness interchangeably. I am aware of the school of thought that says they are different and I agree but I also believe joy includes happiness, hence my using the two words together this way in this piece.
Theory #1: The Weight of Immorality
No matter how publicized or promoted sexual immortality is, it always feels wrong. Always. This is because of the chip that was probably programmed into us all at birth called morality. People we always blush and avoid eye contact when sex comes up. People will always prefer to have sex with some degree of privacy. Only mad men masturbate on the street. Morality or should I say the conscience will always make you feel that you are doing something bad and so you are bad, when you engage in ungodly sexual acts. Yes you might try to avoid it, you might even dead it (like Twitter people would say), but it will always be there. Like an haunting shadow. And so joy becomes a struggle. You could even forget what joy is like completely because perhaps you feel you are undeserving of joy, of inner peace.
It’s a subtle mind shift, most people will not notice it happen. A year just passes and you feel like crap all the time. Why? You don’t know. Look at people that are sexually active outside God’s prescription (as stated above) or maybe even look at yourself closely for a minute if you are also acting outside that prescription (this is a safe space, no judgment. I just want you to be honest with yourself here). Ask yourself, are they happy? Or are they prone to having erratic intermittent flares and mood swings? Or how about you? Are you truly happy, or you’re only telling yourself that you are?
Sexual perversion, I believe, is one of the silent ways we allow the enemy to steal our joy without even knowing.
Theory #2: The Illusion of Separation from God
When we feel that we are doing something wrong, the next thing is to feel that God is far from us and God would want nothing to do with us? But what does this have to do with joy? You ask. Let’s look at this Bible verse.
You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore. -Psalms 16:11 AMP
The very presence of God is the substance of joy. However, sin or in this case promiscuity creates an illusion that God has left you and God cannot be with you. These ideas are not true; God says over and over in scripture that he would never leave us, but the way spiritual things work is by belief. If you believe it, then it will materialize. In the spirit, believing is seeing. So if you believe that God is angry with you, that is what will manifest in your life.
Sex outside of what God has ordained always leaves us feeling more alone than where we started off and it’s because of what I’ve explained in this theory and the one preceding it.
Do we get?
Is this our examination of postulations making sense?
On to the next then. The next and the last.
Theory #3: No Amount of Sex or/and Sexual Perversion will Ever Be Enough
Every human being is an hedonist at heart. We always go in pursuit of what gives us pleasure, and hence joy. It’s why we are easily, sometimes even passively enthralled by sex. It a sweet spot we often over engage in a frantic search for joy and fulfilment. But anyone that has ever gone on an exploration of sex and all it’s element with little caution knows that no amount of sex is ever enough. In fact the very thing that ought to be for your joy could just as instantly be for your downfall.
Sex was not meant to fulfil you, or occupy you, possess you, satisfy all your humane needs. Needs that cannot be phonated with words but that are there, that you feel every waking moment, sex is not the fix. I repeat, sex is not it.
It’s like continuously trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. It’s never going to work. You might end up breaking something though.
Only Jesus can satisfy. Only Jesus can satisfy. Only Jesus can satisfy.
It sounds oh so cliché but heyyy it’s true. I’m a living testimony and there are many people like me all over the world that Jesus satisfies on a daily basis, on demand! 24/7! I don’t have to turn to sex or to drugs or to alcohol or even people for joy, for comfort, for fulfilment. I enjoy all of God’s gifts in their proper context and they therefore enrich my life.
An important final point I want to make, is that God is not against “sex-having“. Lol. The first directive He gave man was to have sex. Be fruitful and multiply, remember? Conception could have come about any other way but God chose a pleasurable one for us because He wanted us to enjoy it. He wanted it to be something we look forward to. He’s a great dad. But unfortunately, good intentions don’t always determine outcomes and with sex there has been so much abuse, so much so that it’s hard to see above all the clutter.
I believe every restriction that it seems God put on sex is to preserve it for the fulfilment of the utmost pleasure it was destined to give. You know, God doesn’t really get anything out of you choosing to keep yourself sexually pure. It’s not like He is keeping you for Himself when you finally get to heaven. Lol! All the gains of sexual purity are actually yours. The only thing that God gets out of it is your own joy and serenity. Nothing more. He only wants the best for you.
Joy is God’s gift to us, one of the ways I believe we can access it is by living pure and Christ centred lives. The interesting bit is that it’s impossible to be Christ centred and not be sexually pure. It might take a while, but surely as you behold him in the mirror of His word, you will be transformed (2 Corinthians 3:18).
Yo, did we pass the exam? Lol. What are your thoughts? Please share with me in the comments.
God bless you.
Love & love, O.