Trashing Your Insecurities

A while ago I had a poll on WhatsApp and asked people what they would have me write about, someone said self acceptance and if it gets easier as you get older. I thought it was an interesting topic and a needed one but I must have gotten overwhelmed with all the suggestions I got that day and forgot about it but a few days ago I stumbled on a video of Mia Khalifa (Don’t Google her because you will stumble on porn) on Instagram where she spoke about how she got into the porn industry and why. I’ll leave a link down below, the interview really disturbed me.

I found myself shedding tears cause I felt no one should feel like that. I felt I had a responsibility to make sure no young boy or girl around me feels so inadequate that they are then manipulated and extorted in worst possible ways. It also made me see porn in a totally different light. While people watch these people for their own pleasure, they do not realise what most of those watched go through to make these movies. There’s so much dirty business and bad blood involved. It is sad and disheartening, and to think the porn industry is a multi billion dollar industry. Urgh. Clearly you can see how much this stuff bothers me but today I will be talking about the insecurity part of things.

When Mia was asked why she got into porn in the first place, being that she came from a good family and had a solid education and was obviously intelligent, she said

I don’t think low self esteem discriminates against anyone. It doesn’t matter if you come from a great family or if you come from a not so great background. I struggled my entire childhood with weight and I never felt attractive or worthy of male attention….

This is just one of many statements which shows that the major reasons she got into porn was because she felt insecure. And even now I do not see a lot of change in how she sees herself. Of course the mechanism is different and it does not look like insecurity anymore but it’s there and it’s sad. And I don’t know, I just want us to take a minute and pray for Mia cause I feel like she needs it.

Lord Jesus, thank you for Mia Khalifa, thank you because she is wonderfully and fearfully made in your image and likeness, thank you for dying for her sins to give her eternal life. Thank you because in you she is forgiven and accepted and so so loved. We pray that you bring her to the realisation of this soon. That you reveal yourself to her and she finds true peace and joy in Jesus name. Amen.

To answer the initial question on self acceptance and if it gets better with age, no it does not (as I know many grown people that still feel insecure) but I’m glad to inform you that I never feel insecure. Never. I don’t have insecurities. And I was not always like this. I grew up overweight, you can imagine what that was like and even now I am still overweight.

So what changed?

What did I do? Or rather what did God do? The truth is I didn’t know that I didn’t have insecurities anymore. Until I was asked the question, I had never really thought about it. I don’t have every aspect of my life together, but by God’s grace alone, self esteem is not one of the areas that are lacking.

Everything I can tell you is wrapped up in one single thing; my relationship with God.

I didn’t get into a serious relationship with God thinking okay, God take my insecurities away. In fact I didn’t know what to call it. I thought it was normal for fat people to not like themselves since other people didn’t like them, and so it was normal to fall into depression, it was normal to replay the horrible things people said about me and forget all the compliments I receive. I thought that was just life. I was wrong fam. As I began to take my relationship with God deeper, he gave me new eyes, literally new eyes and I began to see myself differently. I fell in love with my body. There’s nothing anybody can tell me. And this is not some kind of blind everytime-lovey-dovey type love. It’s real love, it the kind of love that notices when I’m eating too much, and so I take a one or two week fast and decide to reduce my portions and quit carbonated drinks for sometime. I don’t relish in my flaws in the name of self love if there is something I can do. And I don’t care what people say or think, because at the end of the day anybody can use their mouth to say anything they want. It’s really none of my business and their opinion might be important but it is not, I repeat, it is not necessary. I don’t need it. I don’t live off of what people (or even what I) think of me. I live off what God thinks and focus on that. As much as I would want to take some credit for always keeping my mind on what God says and all that, it really has been the Holy Spirit that has helped me. I told you this wasn’t even a problem I knew I had so I wasn’t even thinking about solving it. It just happened.

As I got close to God, I got centred enough to know who I am. So inasmuch as self love and acceptance is not about age, it’s all about growth in God. Invest in your relationship with God. Don’t try to hashtag self love and all that social media good stuff, it doesn’t work. All those celebrities that tell us these things are the same ones that end up committing suicide and having multiple divorces. So you wonder what happened? Here’s the thing; true deep, committed, real love for who you are comes from God who sees you as you really are in him.

In January, I wrote this on Instagram…

View this post on Instagram

Pictures are tricky. They don't always capture us in the best light. So much depends on lightning, angles, camera and the skill of the photographer. Sometimes we look really good in pictures not because we always look good in reality but just because everything happens to work in our favour; lightning, camera, angles, photographer. And those are the pictures we post, those are the pictures we like to show others. Pictures are like opinions and thoughts. So much depends on circumstances, information available and who has this information. People base their opinions and thoughts on so many things. So why do we insist on believing only the ugly things people say about us? Why do we insist on seeing only our flaws? We could choose a better picture. We could choose God's picture of us. He sees you and I in the best possible light. You always look your best in his eyes. He calls you beautiful, loved, accepted, perfect because he sees you through the lens of His son's death and resurrection. Because of that you are an absolute beauty, flawless in every way. With God everything works in your favour. In his eyes, you are a masterpiece, a thing of divine wonder. Post that! Celebrate that! Hang that photograph in your bedroom and grin sheepishly at it's sight. It doesn't matter what picture any other person takes of us, we already have the best. We can choose to agree with God's perspective everyday!

A post shared by OmoobaJesu Adetunji (@omoobaadetunji) on

When I started writing this, I had a long list of action points in mind to tell you but as I wrote I realize that this was not a battle that I consciously fought, it was one that God fought and won for me so I want you to also trust God with your heart and let him love you to wholeness and your true identity. I might not know everyone that will read this article but I want you to know that my heart burns with red hot love for you and even moreso does God’s heart burn for you. He loves you endlessly. No matter what.

If you’ve never let God into your life, now is a good time to do it. Just talk to him. I don’t need to give you the words.

If you already have Jesus in your life but you know that you don’t take him seriously, now is a good time to renew your vows. I don’t need to give you words either, look into the eyes of your beloved and speak your mind.

Till next time
Grace & Peace my people.

4 Weeks of Community Medicine

Community Medicine is the public health of medical students/doctors. I don’t want to bore you with the details so let’s say it like that. We started the posting with exams from another department, that might sound odd but this is medical school, nothing surprises me anymore. Because of the nature of first week of posting most people just decided not to come to school and then after the exams were finally over some people decided to take a one week break, but of course, not me. Lol. I did not miss a single class even in the midst of exams sometimes I wonder if that was a rewarding choice. I still don’t know the answer. For the first two weeks I was quite invested in the classes and learning, being that I was still burning off stream from how tough the preceding exams were. I wanted to do better. I’m not sure I can say I did.


Compared to other postings, community medicine was lightweight, close to weightless sef. I later starting find the classes unbearably boring though. I felt, and these are just my feelings nothing more, they were just using big terminologies to complicated things that most people already know. I lowkey felt like my brain was wasting away. Lol.


3rd week came, where my interest was already waning and I had started reading other books in class; something I literally never do. I’m the kind of person that doesn’t even touch her phone in class, now imagine me getting totally lost in Michelle Obama’s Becoming, that’s to tell you how bored I was. That’s a pretty good book by the way, I’ll do a review once I’m done.


Luckily for me, by Wednesday, we went on a field trip to Waterworks Ede, Osun State. We learnt about large scale water purification and took way to many pictures. We were all overly excited and giddy. What would you expect? We’re medical students. We don’t observe public holidays. We’re always preparing for one exam or the other. We barely have time to do our own laundry, talk of having fun so apparently all that made an absolutely normal field trip seems like a joyride. I enjoyed it.


Now that we knew how fun things could get on a field trip, we meticulously planned how the next field trip the next day would go, down to how we would sit and how would bring a bluetooth speaker so we could jam some music on the way since we knew we were going a longer distance. The day arrived and we were to visit some inmates in a Prison, now called correction services, in Ogbomosho. Things didn’t go exactly to plan but at least we got the bluetooth speaker part down. I got to listen to some of my old favourite songs and sing aloud with my classmates. Haha. It was so freaking fun! Such fun memories. I think these are actually the best parts of medical school. Community Medicine is such that Fridays are mostly free days so that was another reason to be happy that 3rd week. I was going to have a long happy weekend.


4th week was a blur to me to be honest. Wednesday we had a seminar where the whole class was split into groups and then each group had to present a topic. I was the only girl in my group so naturally they pushed me to speak first. I know I might come off as an outgoing person, but I’m actually not so I wasn’t surprised when I heard my voice shaking as I spoke. I figured I’d get better as I do it more often. Might as well start now. In other news, I looked real good for my presentation, or so I was told by many. Tosin made my top, she also made my black gown and kimono in the previous pictures from the field trip to Ede. If you haven’t read Tosin interview, you should here; The Fashion Designer Medical Student; Tosin, and you can follow her label on Instagram @paancy. She’s amazing.

Presentation look.


Up until Thursday, I didn’t start preparing for the end of posting exam. Very unlike me, infact I almost can’t believe I pulled that kind of stunt. As in, community medicine bored me guys, even reading it was a chore, but we did it eventually! Took the exam today and it wasn’t bad. Pray for me o.


Don’t let me fool y’all into thinking med school is all roses, obviously it’s not but even aside all the stress and gragra. There’s the staggering reality of failure. Normally I wouldn’t talk about this, but I feel that God wants me too. Yesterday I got back results from an exam/ test I prepared hard for, like insanely hard. I’m a laid back person so I have a tendency to really not taking things very seriously, but I took this one seriously because we had started the posting when I had just seen my Paediatrics result where I flunked and I knew that one was my fault, so I gave myself sense and decided to work hard. And I think I did sha, maybe not enough, cause there’s always room for improvement. Anyway, the results came in yesterday and I had a lower mark than I did in Paediatrics. Haha. Funny right? Actually not funny at all. It didn’t matter that I had passed one (barely, where some people were scoring eighties fa) and failed the other. It wasn’t enough. And fam. An adult cried. Lol. I wanted to bone it o and I did that for several hours after I saw the score. But after a while. I just cried and said God I’m tired. Cause I was and to think I was in the middle of preparing for another exam. The situation surrounding the exam itself was funny too anyway. Should I tell you? Well you’re still reading so I guess you’re enjoying the gist.


The exam was actually pure past questions that I had but never solved even though I had solved others. I found that out after the exams. The whole thing was depressing that time too, but Omooba is a woman of faith so I actually didn’t think I would fail. It didn’t cross my mind even once. I thought worst case scenario I would score 50. But alas! That would not be the case. I was heartbroken guys. I kind of still am, but God is good. And all things work together for my good. And all things are possible with God. In good times and in bad, God’s word is true. Maybe there’s still more buckling up to do here and there, maybe all my hard work is being stored up for where it will be needed and not just to gather bragging rights for the time being. Maybe I just need to keep pushing and trusting Him and asking for more wisdom. Above all, I am not my grade, I am who God says I am. I am a success. I produce and see good results. I will keep on believing and saying it until I see the tangible proof. Better put, I will keep believing and saying it that I may see the tangible proof. Same goes for you, you are who God says you are! Arise & Shine! It matters little what has happened or is happening now. You are who God says you are.


Big big love to you my people!


Till next time,
Grace & Peace!

The Hairstylist Medical Student; Modupe

For several reasons this is by far my favourite feature and will be the last in this series. I have saved the best for last. I know you will be blessed by this because I was beyond just touched and encouraged through this story when I first came across it. I met Modupe during my A’level program. She was my tutor and she always came across as driven, calm and collected. I looked up to her back then in many ways. It’s honour to have her here. Without further ado, let’s cut to chase then.

INTRODUCTION

HOLA, HELLO
I’m Modupe Harriet Ajisafe, I’m a medical student at All Saints university Dominica.
Am 24years 7months old
I am a Christian,
I love to clean, arrange things, cook(IN SHORT I LOVE TO SERVE PEOPLE)
I love white and black
Asides being a doctor in training, am a hairstylist, a part time food vendor plus I make chinchin to sell which goes by the name Mo’s delicious chinchin. In other words, you can call me a businesswoman. My business goes by the name, Blessed hands enterprise (BHE) with the subset of the hairstyling and chinchin selling

HOW IT ALL STARTED


Hmmm
It all started in 2015, when I left Nigeria to come school in the Caribbean ,before I left home, I had learnt how to cut hair for males; I spent almost a year in the barber shop while waiting for admission back in 2011/2012. By the end of 2014, I had gained admission to All saints University. While waiting for my mum to put money together for me to resume in January, I decided to start going to my aunts shop who happen to be a hairstylist, just to help her, I had not planned to make hair then, because I felt it was too stressful . so I just go there to help her by cleaning, fetching water and when necessary, wash peoples hair, run errands and help complete the tips of braids, trim braids and so on. She taught me basics stuffs, I enjoyed my stay with her cause, she was nice and I enjoyed working with her and I did those things joyfully, though my mum didn’t like it, because she felt I should be in school and she didn’t want people to start asking questions like, “kilosele, dupe o lo school ni”, or some of them insinuating am no more going to school and I just want to learn a trade.
Fast forward February 2015, I came to Dominica, I came with few items in case I will end up making hair for people such as needle thread, scissors, combs etc. on living home I knew I had to do something to help my mum with the bills for my education, because studying outside Nigeria is quite expensive and in Dominica you are not allowed to work as a student
So, I just began to tell people randomly I could make hair, though I had not made anyone’s hair from scratch by myself. But within me I just knew I could do it
So, I relaxed my roommate’s hair, though she didn’t pay for that
Then one day I got to meet someone who wanted to braid her hair. That was my first hair from scratch all by myself. I can never forget that day, My God, this young lady had a very full natural hair, I didn’t know what I was getting into that day, I started the hair around 11am on Saturday , I was still there till evening then till Sunday morning around 4am. My God, that day I was exhausted, it was as if the hair wasn’t going to finish. As per I was a novice so I was also slow, coupled with the fact that I hadn’t mastered gripping the roots properly so I had to loosen some and make them again, but my client was patient though she was also exhausted but I couldn’t charge much since I was just starting. And that I just discussed the price for the hair and not the price for transport and all. So, I had to foot the cab bill myself since public transport doesn’t work on Sunday and my place was far to hers
After paying for the cab, what I had left was not worth the stress I went through. I almost cried that day cos I didn’t feel compensated for the work and time I had expended and I didn’t like the braids because I felt it wasn’t neat enough, but to my utmost surprise my client was pleased with her hair and when she got to school on Monday, everyone was asking who had made her hair for her and that was it, people started looking for modupe in pre med to make their hair.


CHALLENGES I FACED AND DEALING WITH IT


I remember, the night I got to Dominica, I prayed a prayer and had a discussion with God about my success in Dominica in everything I lay my hands to do. I also spoke to the devil to let him know that, I do not care about , the paradigm in this environment, all I knew was that i was here to succeed.

If you’d like to see more of Modupe’s work, follow her on Instagram @modupe.h


Competition: Remember, I was new to the school and there were a couple of other people who could make hair excellently well and had been in the business long before I came. That was a major challenge, having my own customers and giving them exceptional service. But with my little experience, I have learnt to commit everything I do into God’s hands. So, for every client I got, I committed them into God’s hands, the process of the hair in to God hands and God making room for me, though there were many other people and God has been faithful
Managing people: Oh my, this is a serious one, this business exposed me to different kinds of people, the good, the not so good, the manipulative, the controlling , how many can I say, Sometimes when I look back, it could have only been God that helped me to deal with people. Since most people come over to my place, to make their hair, so I just make it a point of duty to cater for their needs while they are with me; basically I try to give them lunch or snacks whatever I had at home, though some people come with their stuffs, but could you believe that some people will come and I could make their for 8hours or more take my snacks and they will allow me to finish and tell me they didn’t come with my money. Am usually in shock and I wonder like, why didn’t you tell me before I started the hair, why allow me to finish and all and some will not pay until weeks later
Have had a case where I had to make hair for someone where she told me she hated the hair so much that I had to loosen it and remake the hair again from scratch, and trust me the hair wasn’t as bad as she portrayed it, it was a bob went wrong.
But am grateful for the learning process, God used this business to work out the fruit of the spirit in me
I still can’t believe the rubbish I took from people. The love of God really constrained me and
I will not fail to add, that I had exceptional customers, who were very nice, even gave me tips, some of them pay for my transport to my house and still cared for my belly too, though I don’t eat most time I make hair
Learning and trying new thing: YouTube was and is still a good teacher, there were a lot of times, people will show me pictures of what they wanted to make, though I had never made it before. I would got to YouTube, watch as many videos as possible ask other people for ideas then , work out what would be best for my clients hair and face and as always every client was a prayer point
Prices: I stated earlier that my prices were quite low, compared to what most other people charged, I had always been the considerate kind of person, having the understanding that this people are students so I made it cheaper coupled with the fact that I was new. But most of the time I listened to the voice of the Holy Spirit too because I didn’t want to exploit anyone but at he same time get a reasonable pay. At some point some other stylist challenged me that I was kind of spoiling business for them, I just prayed about it, then as usual I received guidance and counsel. And I got the understanding that it was my time people were paying for not just my skill
Speed: Initially, I used and average of 12hours on a medium box braids and more if the braids is smaller of longer. And I knew that wasn’t good enough plus I wanted to be worker in church there was no way I could do that with my hair styling schedule on Saturday, and as always, I told it to God, and I asked for speed. And God answered my prayers, he granted me speed, he gave me wisdom on time managements, so I was able to serve him, do my business and study too. MY average time for braids now is 6-7hrs
Strain on my Body: oh lord, the standing for hours started putting a strain on my body because at some points I made hair almost every day especially when school was on Holiday. I started having pains in my spine, my legs began to hurt, my finger also sometimes become stiff and so on. And like the bible say, wisdom is profitable to direct. I began to take break, though I could need the money, I don’t take all clients that come my way, and I don’t take all kinds of hair styles that come my way, I have learnt to refer clients to other stylists. Especially when I know that is the area of specialization of those stylists, I try to take care of my body better, take snacks or food sometimes in between and drink lots of water
Also, I engage my soul and spirit while working, I listen to messages, worship songs etc. that my spirit man is edified and soul is engaged in fruitful and profitable things so that those long hours don’t just pass by without me doing nothing to edify the real me. I also watch movies with my clients at times, but am quite picky about what I watch and hear so most of the time I do my own thing.


WHAT KEEPS ME GOING


I would say my clients, I have had times, when I would say am taking a break, but people will just walk up to me and insist that if I don’t make their hair, they wouldn’t go anywhere else and for me, that’s so humbling. Also, there is something about when a woman’s hair is made. The beauty is more seen. Her cheek bones and eyes speak more.
I love it when I see the before and after of the whole making process. And the look on their faces, when they start taking pictures. That feeling of “am pretty”
I started with the quest of being able to pay for some bills but now, it has gone beyond that, I use it as a medium to spread the love of Christ. I just pray that I will able to do more in that line.
The process has shaped me as a human being and am grateful for all that God has used this business to do in my life

HOW TO BALANCE HAIR STYLING WITH MEDICINE


GRACE: That is the sum of my life, I have been helped by a mighty hand. From above, almost every process has been guided by God, there were times I forgot to pray and straight up the holy spirit disciplines me and I pray in between the task, without God, I couldn’t have done anything. In God I found strength , there were days I would have worked and be so tired but I know I had to study, but God will sustain me through my study time, and there were days, when I would dose off and not be able to do much. But God always backed me up, redeem the time for me
TIME MANAGEMENT: The bible says if anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all men liberally and upbraids not (James1:5). I asked, and I received wisdom. I worked out my hair schedule. I make hair during the holidays, first 2-3 weeks of resumption on weekends and sometimes weekdays if my schedule is not too packed because exam in my school is every 4 weeks. As business, grew I create schedule and fix people into it.
Most importantly, I allow the holy spirit to guide me, I don’t take every client. I have had cases whereby I took up clients maybe because I needed money and I had to cancel that period because the holy spirit told me no, but I was like I need the money, but I obeyed and he sorted me out. And when I disobey too, I realize the reasons why he restricted me later.
Plus, I always remember my mums voice saying” modupe, I didn’t send you to school to make hair “
So, I don’t lose focus, THE FOCUS IS MEDICINE”. WHATEVER YOU DO, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU MAKE, MEDICINE IS THE FOCUS AND PASSION. HAIRSTYLING IS A SIDE HUSTLE THAT HAS BECOME A HOBBY
SUPPORT SYSTEM: I didn’t like to ask for help, because I didn’t like to disturb people with my stuffs, but now am learning to ask people for help, to do little things that will make my work faster so I can go back to my books
I also do review schoolwork with my clients if they are students and we are in the same class or the they are doing similar courses, by answering questions
sometimes, I listen to videos on my courses while working


A WORD FOR YOU

At some point I asked God, “ lord why do I have to go through this to pull through school’, it seemed like a curse , because I saw people who all they did, was just to study and they didn’t have to work for anything. But then as a father, he reminded of how are journeys and paths are different and every individual has grace for their journey
Are you a medical student or a medical student to be?
Seek God,
Know this that your path is different, though you all might wear the same white coat, but yours might come with a chef’s jacket, a sewing machine, a painter’s brush, a comb as mine came with and so on
Be grateful for your journey
Remember Medicine is the focus
Read, study, surround yourself with friends who understand or have an idea of your abilities
Work hard and work smart
Pray about everything
Always ask for grace and wisdom
Improve yourself and get knowledge in whatever business
There is no excuse for mediocrity, settle for only excellence
It is only diligence that makes you serve kings, start small and keep building
It’s not bad to make some extra cash by using your gifts, skills
Finally keep praying, keep pushing, keep pressing, Don’t stop doing good, even if people continue to be bad
God bless you