Wow! What a year!
It’s crazy that 2018 is ending already, I have mixed feelings. I don’t know how to talk about this year. It was a long one and at the same time quite short. Feels like I fully transitioned into myself this year.
The year started on a good note for me. One boy like that had my mumu button lol, in other words I was very in love and I was in a great spot with God, charismatics would say I was on fire, and I was, I still am. I had one ultimate goal for the year; pass my MB part one exam. So much was hinged on me passing so as the year rolled in, I resumed studying like a machine. Of course my tempo slurred sometimes, but most times I was top notch.
I remember this one time, we had an exam of sorts on a particular topic and I had really studied and I had prayed and I thought I had totally crushed the paper only to find out the exam had totally crushed me; I think I had a 38%, my lowest in-course score till date. That was about two weeks to my main exam. I remember that that score really messed me up. I went back to my room and was just bawling and saying I won’t even believe in God again, that it’s rubbish and a waste of time. Lol. I slept after all that crying (who wouldn’t?) and woke up to reading my bible. Haha. Now I can thank God for failing that exam cause it showed me all my weak points with no reservations at all and then the lecturer ended up buffering most of the class because majority of us had done poorly. At the end of the day, I had like 55% which was a pass. Jesus can work out seemingly impossible situations like that.
All the hardwork and studying did pay off and God favoured me, I passed my MB exams. All the stress was totally worth it. Between January when I was in love and preparing for exams to July when I took the exams I had broken things off with the guy I was in love with because it wasn’t working out, but I didn’t have the time to process since I was so preoccupied with school work.
When exams were over and things were a tad more slow paced, the feeling of loss and hurt started to hit me hard and so did depression and bitterness. It took a while but God brought me out of all of that way stronger than I ever imagined I could be. Am I better for the break up? I can use all my mouth to scream Yes! It taught me a lot about myself and a lot about God’s love towards me.
If you are going through a break up now, be reminded that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll be fine. Hold on to Jesus, He is able to turn all situations around for enormous good. Also have friends you can lean on.
My walk with God was so on point this year. Loved reading my bible, loved worshipping and praying. I just really enjoyed God this year and oh my the miracles I encountered are beyond words, most of which I didn’t quite keep track off. My greatest testimony is the supernatural unrelenting joy that the Lord gives me daily. I am grateful.
This year I genuinely fell in love with myself. I became uncompromisingly confident in who I am. There’s practically nothing anyone can say to me now that will bring me down, not because I think I’m perfect (which I am in Christ though) but because I know that even in my weaknesses God’s grace covers me and He is making me better.
I started clinicals this year and my goodness, the work is choking on every side but God really is the best friend to have in times when the going gets tough. Recently I was thinking “if I wasn’t Nigerian and if I wasn’t born into the kind of family I was born into, would I be studying medicine?” And I remember hearing God clearly in my Spirit saying “I made you a Nigerian and put you in that family because I wanted you to be a doctor, I planned it from the beginning.” Guys I had chills. I am not kidding. Chills everywhere. That’s the kind of God I serve, an intentional and purposeful God. Hallelujah! I’m excited just thinking about it. You should be too, Jesus cares about you intimately.
I think I should repeat that! And even better you should say it to yourself;
Jesus cares about (your name) intimately!
I’m excited for the new year. I’m excited because I know how much I’ve grown and how much I know now and I can’t just wait to put everything to work. 2019 will be my Esther year. I was reading the book of Esther earlier this year and it said that Esther spent a year preparing for the King and I just feel that a year like that would be nice. I want a year of simply and intentionally becoming, of fashioning myself into the woman I want to be, the woman I know I really am.
Compliments of the season people! I hope you are having a wonderful Chrismas time. Sending you all the love and light there is.
In case your year wasn’t quite all you hoped it would be, let it go. Focus on all the good that happened, including you being alive. The Lord has kept you for such a time has this and He has a fantastic future planned out for you. Have faith, don’t lose hope, our God is forever faithful!
Love & Love —O