one of my younger girlfriends asked me this question—by younger i mean 16/17—and i didn’t want to give her a shallow answer so i thought i’d actually give it a thought and ask God about it. Now before we go on to discuss this, let’s define our terms. there are two major nouns in this question
crush: a brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable.
christian: someone who has received the gift of forgiveness and eternal life from God through faith in Jesus’ death and resurrection.
now that all that is clear, lets talk about what we all know to be a crush. so you see this guy or girl you like and you are attracted to this person so you start to fantasize about being in a relationship with that person, so much so that in your head you are actually already in a relationship with that person. to know whether as Christians, we should do this, we have to look into how God sees a relationship and what he says love is. the way we (christians) do things—especially in terms of marriage—is absolutely different from the way the world does things because you see, marriage is a picture of God’s relationship with the church and so God doesn’t take it lightly, because in case you haven’t noticed, God doesn’t take you lightly (Zechariah 2:8). He takes His relationship with you very seriously (Deut 31:6).
i believe that when you really understand this as a Christian you are more purposeful about your relationships, especially your romantic emotions. we also need to understand that there’s a way God expects you to treat people. we are asked to be selfless in our love, and look out for the good of others. the truth is that crushes have very little to do with love. when you are crushing on someone, you are interested in their outward projections; who you think they are and most especially, their bodies. true love is nothing like that, true love is a reflection of God himself (1 Cor 13:4-7). it’s like you have a chance to be driven to an occasion in a limo and you’d rather let an okada take you to where you are going. what you are looking for is love, but you are letting your mind ride the lesser vehicle. you will not get the full experience of the journey that God intends for you.
to answer the question, no, you shouldn’t have crushes the same way you shouldn’t feel jealous when someone else has something you want but you will because you are still covered in flesh and your emotions and mind will sometimes go astray. you might feel a certain attraction towards a certain somebody but listen, i’d advise that you don’t call it a crush, don’t give it a name. giving it a name, that makes it a thing, that makes it harder to dismiss. you see, your walk as a child of God in this world dwells on what you decide to accept as real and what you don’t. if you see your attraction to someone as a crush, then you are validating that tingle and a long chain of events can arise from that simple validation.
i once wrote an article about how in reality nobody is single, and everyone is either unmarried or married. in that light if you are unmarried there are several things that the bible suggests you should use your time and mind for, to keep it from wandering far and wide.
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Wrapping up edits on the book I've been working on for seemingly an eternity. It is an exploration of God's purpose for the four distinct stages of singleness, dating, engagement and marriage. Challenged by a single friend to post this insight today! Singleness has a God-given purpose, and it is not primarily to pursue career or prepare for a relationship. This is the great challenge and invitation of God for the man or woman who is single. Praying for a strong sense of God-ordained purpose in the hearts of all my single friends today. #SDEM
focus of God. i can assure you that there is truly nothing more satisfying. focus on the things that God says are important. wisdom. standing up for the oppressed. growing in the spirit. loving people. these are things that takes a lifetime to learn, it doesn’t stop and they are the things that grantee an long and fulfilling life. when you are on your deathbed, you won’t remember any of your crushes.
if you do have a crush at the moment, i’d say you should disregard it, don’t discuss it, don’t even so much as pray about it, i mean you can if you want to but you have to know that things like these bloom in the green room of attention. if you keep watering your attraction, it will consume you and you will not know how to detangle yourself. so starve the feeling and it will leave you alone. give you mind to God and i promise, He will thoroughly blow it, much more than any guy or gal can.
love & light.
references: ben stuart’s instagram.