When I think about this year and how to put it into writing, I think of speed. Of cars zooming past me in the black of night and light tails following quickly along the trail. Red. Yellow. White. Lights. Speed. Motion.
And it’s ironic that I think motion bearing in mind that school was (and still is) out for more than half of the year. I started the year with exams. Exams I didn’t study properly for. And I didn’t fail. Thank God. I even surprised myself. Then, med school proper. Oh the dread. I was always tired. It became normal to be exhausted and to read and not remember a thing or to be stuck on a page of a textbook for more than an hour. Yeah, that happened more than once. And then there are lecturers who think you are God and you already know everything, so when you ask a question, they reply with “shebi you are a medical student?” And that’s usually the time my brain hits snooze. Like yes, we are medical students damnit!
When the whole school quit work to go on strike, the medical school didn’t. Because the course ought to be uninterrupted. That was the life. I was the only one in my hall and I loved it. Just the mere quiet was grand. But then after two months of being the only one in school, they sent us off. At that time, it made sense. I wanted to go home and at least see things other than muscles and bones and other anatomical gibberish.
Home. Fluff, bluff. Swell in every way, until I became the maid. Lol. I travelled to a few places, which was awesome. I’ve always wanted to go on road trips. I went to Ake too, in Abeokuta, only to get books. Would I like to attend someday? I think not. I discovered I’m more socially awkward than I thought. And being in a gathering of egocentric thinkers who complicate things for a living isn’t exactly something I’d like to be a part of. I’m a tad done with talk and analysis and that kind of thing. I care about art, I care about beauty. I don’t care much for preoccupation with ideas and society and art worship. Lol. But to be honest, that’s just my opinion and it’s more of my social awkwardness than anything. The books were lit tho, I’m not done reading.
Falling in love. Getting hurt. Discovering truths. Getting up. Quitting. Blooming. Life got better this year, I got better. I was checking my journal and I saw a list of stuff I wanted to do this year. Turns out I did it all. I have everything I wanted. It’s funny, this feeling of not needing any other thing. Not having a list to cross off, because everything is in place. It’s a different kind of high, a different way of approaching a new beginning.
People matter most, I guess. I had people this year. And people had me. Not too many. I intend to change that, to be more involve with people, to connect. Because everyone needs someone. And that someone can be me.
2016 showed me that there’s much to discover and everything is poetry, everything is beautiful and I am one of the lucky ones who gets to have a front row veiw. I learnt to be fearless. And to be humble. To embrace the fluid way of life, to bend if I need to. I learnt to be gentle. I also got to see that all these things we make a fuss about we really know nothing about. Like feminism, religion, sex, race. We like to drop comments and opinions, but what good would that do? You’d be surprised by how much is misunderstood, not necessarily in the favour of what you think is right. That quote that says ‘know something about everything’ is so misleading, cause most times something is not enough. It’s better to know nothing and admit it, than to know something that’s not enough, or worse, incorrect and biased.
Also, just so you know, Me before You did not make me cry. Yes, I am stone cold. Just kidding, or am I?
2017, where you at?
Compliments of the Season. xx
PS: how was your 2016?